Doctor, doctor, give me some news.

Tonight while watching Young at Heart (which, for the record, is a brilliant movie that I definitely think you should see), my biggest fear about becoming a surgeon was confirmed once again. You see, I'm a sentimental person. I get attached to people, events, places, bands, fictional vampires..whatever, quite easily. Mainly people though. And I'm the type of person who cannot stand to see someone hurting, whether physical or emotional. And I've always known that, as a doctor, you cannot save everyone. People die and things happen. But. I cry over the deaths of people I don't even know when someone starts to talk about them. If they choke up, I'm done for. It breaks my heart. So, I guess there's always been a part of me that knows that being a doctor would definitely have its ups and downs. But. I don't honestly know if I'm a strong enough person to handle death on a daily basis. There's only so much a sentimental heart can take, you know? But, I guess the part of me that has always pushed towards the medical field is the part that knows there are some people I can save. That some lives can be fixed and that maybe the good will outweigh the bad. I mean, I cry when I watch characters on TV shows die or read about ones in books. And. I'm not even the person who could have saved them. They're not even real! So, how in the world am I going to handle when some little kid with cancer comes to me and I can't save them? How do I live with myself knowing they died under my control? And. If you believe in God, then there's always the, You Have A Set Path and What's Going Happen Will Happen. But. Maybe that's why I have such faltering faith. What kind of God would take away such innocent lives? Who could allow some of the complete shit for humans walk the earth when some of the most amazing people I have EVER known are currently buried in the ground? When I was little, I always thought God was perfect and wonderful. But as I got older and realized how depressing the world can truly be, my faith in anything started to dwindle. I want to be strong enough to be a doctor. More than anything, I do. But if my heart is smashed when I watch a movie and one of my favorite character dies, how could I possibly handle looking into the eyes of a parent, sibling, lover, whomever, and tell them someone they care about more than anything else is no longer alive? How can anyone?