Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there.

If there's one thing I've learned this past year, it's that nothing is certain. There is no such thing as a certain future. Because just when you think things are going to go one way, they do a complete 360 and you find yourself facing the direction from which you just came from. Like, everything you had done up to that point was useless. Void. And it's heartbreaking. When you work so hard for something, someone just to have your plans blow up in your face. This year I've been through more shit than I ever have before. And I don't just mean with your typical teen angst. I mean, fear of losing the place I live, everything I knew, and having no idea how in the hell I was going to get out of the place I was stuck. I tried so hard to reach out to my closest friends in some desperate cry for help, but because I was so scared, so ashamed of what was happening, I ended up making things between friends awkward. And it was awful. The worst, lowest point in my life and I had never felt more alone. More like everyone was turning against me. I was convinced my best friends couldn't stand me anymore. And, to some extent, they really couldn't stand me as much as they had before. Too much. Too..clingy, I think. But. I didn't know what else to do. I didn't know who else to cry to. My family was in the same situation as me. You can't seek help from those who have the same problems as you. Comfort, maybe. Solace, maybe. Help? No. Not at all. It just reminds you of everything you are going through. And makes you feel shitty for complaining when the people around you are going through the same, if not harder, thing as you. It's a humbling experience. Losing, or very nearly losing, everything you know. It hurts. But, I've learned my lessons since. All of my friendship issues of the past months have been resolved (thank goodness. I'd be a mess without them. I truly would.) and I've learned who I can depend on more than anyone in my life. I've had a brand new start in a brand new city at a brand new school. I've met people who have already make my move worthwhile. Friendships that have started that rival friendships home. Though, seriously, my best friends in Gulf Shores will remain my best friends in Gulf Shores. I just have some new, amazing friends in New Orleans. The diversity is refreshing. It's amazing to see how many different people thrive in one city compared to the same old same old that I grew up with. You meet people you never would have talked to before college. And find that you really enjoy their company. You meet people that would have immiediately been your friends in high school that test your every nerve in college. I can't say what makes the change. Maybe it's the unadultered freedom. Being able to do whatever the hell you want, whenever you want. Though, if I'm being honest, that's a bit scary, too. Not having someone there to remind you that, "Hey! The oven's hot, so don't touch it!" is a new experience, to say the least. Your entire life, your every fiber of who you are, who you thought you were, are tested. It's like going from catepillar to butterfly overnight. Things change. And change, whether you like it or not, is inevitable. So, embrace the change that comes your way. So maybe it will change your life. Let it. Maybe it's for the best. And if it's not? More change is coming, anyways. This year has been a hell of a ride. And despite the gutwrenching turns and the late night spent worrying and fretting over things I couldn't help anyways, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I've learned more lessons. Made more friends. Learned what the meaning of trust is, and lost trust from people who I thought my world could revolve around. This year has made me more who I am than anything else had before. And if you don't like me? I'm learning that it's not so bad. That not everyone has to like me. I'm through of being everything for everyone. Sure, I've said that before, but this time it's holding true. I'm tearing down my rearview mirror and never looking back at what has happened. What I cannot change is much different than who I can change. I live my life now. And I couldn't be happier.